Thursday, October 15, 2009

In which I try not to hinder myself

Tuesday night was revolutionary: I didn't have anything planned, and I went to Starbucks with my AAMI book and did homework for over two hours. I got so much work done, I'm almost ready to start on 5A and 6A, which are large, time-intensive assignments.

Doing homework without distraction -- except for the occasional Starbucks employee asking me what I was studying -- was amazing. I didn't have to sit down in front of the computer and worry what the hell Sydney was getting into (right now, I am hearing rumors that she may have spilled an entire box of Goldfish crackers in the bathroom), or break up fights between the boys (even when Dustin is home, they still default to me), or look around the room and wonder what to do about the clutter. I just worked. I loved it. I felt so accomplished by the time I left. I definitely want to get out of the house to study at least twice a week. The problem is finding two night I can do it.

My family is over-scheduled, and I hate it. Monday nights are Cub Scouts (Dustin and boys), Tuesdays are therapy (me) and CSA (Dustin and kids), Wednesdays are puppy school (me), Thursdays I'm teaching CBE (just for this month; then not again for a few months), Friday is Nerd Night (Dustin), and Sunday -- allegedly -- Emily and I go out, although it's been about a month (Emily, call me!) On top of this, the boys have baseball practice two nights a week, and games once a week! Also, I meet with the occasional doula client during the week.

I want to make changes. Baseball and my teaching and the CSA ends in two weeks, thank goodness. I'm happy for the boys and Dustin to do cub scouts because that's only one night per week. As for me, I want to continue puppy school because I love it, and of course my apprenticeship and midwifery school, but the rest - HASTA LA VISTA. Well, except for therapy, but I can probably cut that down to twice a month -- if I cut my schedule, we'll definitely have less to talk about!

What I love about being a doula is helping women have good birth experiences, and that is increasingly more and more difficult in a hospital setting. Yes, a woman can have a good hospital experience, but it's rare, and it involves a lot of fighting, which defeats the purpose. I don't want to stop being a doula, but I do want to be more selective. It's not worth my time away from my family unless the woman is willing to help herself; I can only provide support and advocacy. I'd rather just provide support in a better environment.

I enjoy teaching, and I'm a certified childbirth educator, but I do not feel as passionate about teaching as I do about my apprenticeship or midwifery school. I can teach, I can probably teach well, but it's not really where my heart is, and I'd certainly rather be attending a prenatal or studying than teaching.

So I'm glad that will be over at the end of the month, and in the future I may defer back to Leigh. She taught as part of her curriculum, but I already am a CBE, and I have so many other things on my plate, teaching seems like it's just another thing on my to-do list.

Off to do errands.


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